Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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