"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
