I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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