i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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