just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
