I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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