His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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