I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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