she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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