Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
