So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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