The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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