if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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