y did u give ur computer a hand job?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
