now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
