we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
