I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
