Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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