I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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