I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.