I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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