I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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