I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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