we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize