A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
