It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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