I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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