final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
