Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize