what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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