I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
