I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize