You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Randomize
