This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The power of my boobs compel you
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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