spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
