You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
