That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my phone needs a breathalizer
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So much Jack, so little girl.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
