why didn't you poke me back
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Four minutes until I can fart!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
