you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
