It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
