so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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