It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
