Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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