That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
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He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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