I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
