She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
