If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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