Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
