Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
