She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
