dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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