Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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