You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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