He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize