just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
