i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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