If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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