Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
