So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
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Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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