Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
