NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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