apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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